A Future Worth Believing In

An old article but meaningful nonetheless.

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She's Israeli, he's an Arab. War has made them like mother and son

Sarfraz Manzoor
The Observer, Sunday 10 May 2009

 
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/may/10/palestine-israel-peace-campaigners

It is a friendship as remarkable as it is unlikely: Robi Damelin is a 65-year-old Jewish grandmother whose son, David, served in the Israeli army; Ali Abu Awwad, 37, is a former Palestinian revolutionary who joined the first intifada as a teenager and was later sentenced to 10 years in an Israeli prison – he served four. David Damelin was killed by a Palestinian sniper seven years ago; two years before that, Awwad's brother, Youssef, 32, was shot and killed by an Israeli soldier.

These were two deaths that might have been expected to contribute to the cycle of violence and hatred that characterises the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Instead, for the past five years Damelin and Awwad have travelled the world, speaking together at mosques, synagogues, parliaments and public meetings to spread the message that there will only be peace in the Middle East when there is reconciliation. Last week they brought that message to Britain, attending an Amnesty International event and speaking to an audience of Muslims at the London Central Mosque.

In the back of an east London coffee shop, the two reflected on a relationship that both hope may prefigure a different future for Israel and Palestine. "If someone had said to me when I was 15 that I would have someone like Robi as a friend," said Awwad, "in my wildest dream I would not have imagined it. But when I met her she began to tell me about her relationship to her sons and how the killing of David affected her relationship with her other son.

"I felt this very deeply because my mother didn't pay much attention to me after the death of my brother, because she was closer to him than me. We made a connection."

That connection was made through the Parents Circle, a remarkable organisation that brings together Israelis and Palestinians who have lost immediate members of their family in the conflict. The circle, also known as the Bereaved Family Forum, was set up by Yitzhak Frankenthal, an Orthodox Jew whose 19-year-old son had been killed by Hamas activists. Today it has more than 500 members who have all rejected violence, hatred or revenge as a means to solve the conflict.

"At first I didn't want to mix with bereaved parents," admitted Damelin, "but I gradually realised that the only hope for progress was to recognise the face of the conflict – that was why when they told me that David had been killed my first instinct was to say I did not want anyone killed in the name of my child. I did not want revenge."

It was through the Parents Circle that she met Awwad, whose brother had been shot in the head. "When I learned about my brother's death I was just so full of anger," he recalled. "But I realised that for me to survive I needed to meet someone from the other side who could understand me – so when I met Robi I met someone who gave me hope."

It is a hope which both Damelin and Awwad are keen to stress is not based on pretending there are no disagreements, but is instead rooted in the idea that the first step towards reconciliation is to recognise thesuffering of the other side. "If you are pro-Palestinian or pro-Israel you are not helping us," said Damelin. "You are just feeling good about yourself."

"For some Muslims, the situation in Palestine is theoretical," said Awwad. "Maybe that is why there is more militancy among British Muslims than there is in Palestine, and it's the same with American Jews who seem less likely to compromise than Israelis. Why? Because they are not the ones who have to stand at roadblocks every day, it isn't their children, their sons and brothers who are dying, so it is easy for them to say they do not want to compromise."

Compromise, Damelin and Awwad believe, is possible; they are both hopeful for the future. Damelin – who was born in South Africa – suggested that the Bereaved Families Forum could inspire a future Truth and Reconciliation Commission in Israel and Palestine.

"I remain an optimist," she said. "After all, if you had told me in 1967 when I left South Africa that one day whites and blacks would sit together in the same room I would have thought you were mad." As mad perhaps as if she had been told that a Palestinian ex-revolutionary would become one of her closest friends. "It is very difficult to give away things that belong to your child," she said in a quiet voice. "It is like admitting that they will not come back.

"But I had this lovely jacket that a relation had brought David – a beautiful jacket – and Ali and David are the same height and build, so I chose to give that jacket to Ali, and I am happy I did. It was the right thing to have done."

"Whatever you do, you cannot replace the child a mother has lost," said Awwad. "Youssef and David will never come back again, but at least you find something to live for. Wherever I go I carry a picture of David with me, it's in my bag with me right now."

The tea has been drunk and it is almost time to leave. It must be a strange experience, continually and publicly reopening the wounds of personal loss in the hope that it may eventually inspire peace. "This is my life, I don't have a choice any more," said Damelin, when asked how long she imagined she would continue travelling. "I have a motherly relationship with Ali. I worry about him, I care about what happens; maybe I am a little overprotective about him."

There is a palpable sense that she and Awwad complete the other in some way, offering some consoling echo of what has been lost. Theirs is a friendship that only appears unusual when individuals are reduced to labels and tribes; and yet when Ali Abu Awwad and Robi Damelin are viewed not as Israelis and Palestinians, Jews and Muslims, but rather as a son and mother, the relationship begins not to feel unlikely at all.

"I have found in Robi what I didn't get from my own mother," said Awwad. "She knows what kind of clothes I like, the people I like, and she advises me on all these things. She even knows what food I like."

"Shrimps," said Damelin, laughing. "He is addicted to shrimps."

就像蝴蝶飞不过沧海，没有谁忍心责怪

There are times in life when we will all be confronted with something that you desire to have the most, something that means a great deal to the meaning of our lives to which we are willing to give something up or change just to accommodate it.

To everybody, that something is rarely petty or shallow - it is often a thing that has either fulfills the value that one holds or actualises his or her own dreams and aspirations.

To married couples their single most aspired dream come true would be to have a child that would complete the reason for their union in the first place and begin a family together. When it did happen, just look at them giving up all their own comforts and personal needs just to make sure that their precious offspring are accorded the best future possible. Until they hit puberty and start acting emo, which is another story altogether...

An athlete would train day and night to build their stamina, strength and skill to be become the world's best, working harder than they need, pushing their limits beyond what is necesary. Becoming the best in the world is the crowning glory to their entire career.

A science researcher would gladly ignore friends and leisure, using as much time as they can to produce vaccine to the deadliest diseases in the world, putting themselves in danger by getting exposed to the deadly pathogens that they vow to put an end to, for the sake of ending the cycle of death that destroyed futures before they can begin. His journey would reach the pinnacle when the vaccine becomes real and can be mass developed to begin the end of a scourge and bring hope to dreams.

As much as we would love for dreams to come true, regardless of how true its aims, whatever the goal - it can be heartbreaking sometimes when you miss what is to be the opportunity of a lifetime due to technicality or a situation that makes it a bigger loss than a gain.

Take for instance Roy Keane, the former captain of Manchester United and Ireland - he was a great midfield general, even the most blinkered of Liverpool fans would admit how influential he was to the Red Devils. In 1999, he would miss out in appearing in possibly the highest level of professional football competition in the European Cup final by picking up another booking that would lead to a suspension.

Lesser players would have wilted and broke down, losing the very edge that made them they very winners that they could be but Roy played on with unquestionable determination and tenacity to make sure that his team makes it to the finals. They eventually won the Cup - he got a medal of course - but the very bit of missing the actual match itself, leading the best team in Europe to victory must have hurt him deeply.

We all face things like this at least once, if not frequently. Our reactions to disappoinment is either what differentiates betwen one person to another. Some would simply make peace for it is either not within their right to obtain or they see the risk of damage by reaching for it. Another person might keep it bottled and remember it as a bitter pill to swallow that changes their lives, a reminder of a denied opportunity by an unfair world. And of course those who become subjects of movies, novels and inspirational stories - people who rebel against 'fate' and decided to change the rules and achieve what they want anyway, oftimes sacrificing much of themselves to gain something that they consider to be of equal worth.

I would be lying if I said I have never needed to walk down the path of cold rain knowing that you can't stop droplets of water from falling from the skies. One feels as if the world conspires to deny you what you have wanted the most by dangling it in front of your face like a carrot on a string and yanking it away when it is within touch.

"I just washed the damn car!"

It would also be lies if I said I have made peace with it all - some of the disappoinments will remain bitter thoughts of something that could be but never will because it is not within your control. Metaphorically speaking, it's like something that will disappear when you reach for it, but will remain there if you don't.

I used to make analogies for things like this, including a butterfly that stops by your garden that you painstakingly tended - you can't reach for it or it flies away. A real life analogy would be like the cats I see along the street when I walk to and from my house - I'd like to pat and stroke their fur but the moment I get too close they get ready to scamper off; come no closer and they happily lick themselves with a little acknowledgement that a big hairless ape is walking by.

I prefer beetles - they don't run very fast.

But at the end of the day, understanding that we are part of a grander scheme of things would probably help in accepting that you did what you could in your part - the rest is not in your hands to give.

Year of the Big Meow

I was home for the Lunar New Year, pretty much to spend my time resting as much as possible before returning to the rat race at the city. Life is a little more relaxed here with the hustle and bustle nowhere near as bad the hectic 24/7 life at KL. It's never too busy here and never too laidback either with things to do at all times, depending on whaty you fancy.

The journey back was pretty uneventful except for the issue of flight status updates at the airport which was malfunctioning, causing people to stand in front digital boards wondering why are the check-in counters open yet even when it's less than an hour and a half to departure. Thankfully the helpful people at the information counter relayed to me the correct gates to check in. Met an old classmate who took the same flight whom were as groggy as I was that morning thanks to the lack of sleep - I was at the airport at a little past 4.30 am.

It took quite some willpower not to bark at the check-in officers at the gate when they had to put on a show speaking to one another when queried about the problem with updates, correcting one another on the number of times they called support. I couldn't care less about how many times they bugged the people manning the digital boards, a simple "We're sorry about the inconvenience. The technical crew is working on it" is more than sufficient compared to " we've called them ten times yeah? No idea what happened there, it's still going on after we called them ten times".

Who's keeping score?

Life has gotten a little more busy of late with the festivities et al, the number of people in town seemed to rise dramatically compared to just a year ago. You have traffic jams now in town, though not as amazing as the ones on the Federal Highway every evening. Business and commerce is bustling with shoppers everywhere buying everything, pretty much to prepare for the upcoming celebrations.
 
I was out in town with Bro to shop for clothing and my instinct to wait until I was home paid off - every single year I went for clothes shopping in Miri because I happen to prefer the kind of cuts and designs available and get this, the sales would often render expensive brands to less than three digits in pricetag - something I don't see very often in KL considering the price war is supposed to be a lot fiercer there. Perhaps it's because I didn't go out often enough there, but I have been out for window-shopping during sales before and heck, what we have in Miri ain't chopped liver. Furthermore I don't have to fight for walking and breathing space although the number of shoppers has increased and a lot of the designs are nice enough to suit my tastes.

My cousin made an observation which I was about to talk to him about regarding the city apart from the increasing number of people - the sudden spike in the number of attractive women wondering about the place in just a single year. To quote his comment, it was as if they all took a study trip to KL or Taiwan on grooming and came back just in time for the New Year. I suppose many came back from KL or Singapore for the celebrations but that doesn't quite explain the ones taking care of shops.

If there's anything that doesn't change, the guys with spiky, ruffled hairs ala Cloud Strife are still around even if it makes them look no different to one another. A bit of highlight here and there, they still don't look any unique to the other guys who just passed by. I suppose no one is immune to cultural influence - I tried to copy Clark Datchler's prep hairstyle, while Bro did the Vanilla Ice eons ago. Nowadays to us, anything practical and easy to take care is the best.

The old barber's shop that I frequent throughout my life relocated again, now at the corner next to the old bazaar. They had six chairs now instead of four with all of it fully occupied when I dropped by, perhaps from the influx of people wanting to have their hair cut before the New Year or simply because business was getting better. I only recognised one of them now, the plump man who has been there for as long as I've had my hair cut, while the rest were people I didn't know with one youngish fella with them.

Apart from a few visits to the houses of I have not been to for ages - we spent the last few New Years away from town - it's pretty uneventful here nowadays. My parents are a little older now that they only visited close relatives & friends whilst skipping houses of others. It's also pretty hot, a big change from the flood infested of the year before, so not many of us are that enthusiastic about going out to visit houses. Gone were the days when we went from house to house in consecutive days (and raking up red packets).

It's the price we pay for a town's maturisation into a city I suppose. The busier it is the less for people to meet up unless at work, things slowly become a little more impersonal with the number of unrecognised faces increasing daily so we stick more with the ones with identify the most with.

As I type this a second lion dance troupe is making its round in the neighbourhood, the first one waking me up at the 'ungodly' hours of 8.30 am with their ching-chang and drum beats right downstairs. The family no longer appreciates lion dances like we used to - my parents probably can't tolerate the loud noise whilst I've grown cynical about 'blessings' from paper mache lion heads. I guess it's a matter of perspective now - what was fun back then isn't much so nowadays.

Undeniably, superstition plays a big part in what was supposed to simply be the ushering of the new lunar calendar year. "Do not sweep the floor during CNY or you'll sweep away all the fortunes", heard of this one before? My family has never believed in all that, I've always wondered how did things like these become as ingrained in tradition as it is in superstition. Take for instance the term 'guo nian' and firecrackers; legend has it that a monster named Nian terrorised a village in China during ancient times and were chased away by the loud noises made from explosives and clanging of metal pots & pans - how many people still believe in that nowadays?

To me the tradition to usher in the first day of New Year with firecrackers has the same logic of claps or cheers during any occassion - it's a declaration of happiness, a celebration, approval. Now that makes sense, 'Nian' however, doesn't.

I had a small chat with some colleagues in the office many weeks ago about the word 福 being suspended downwards at some houses as a symbolism of the pouring of fortune from the heavens. I asked the origin of this practice and predictably nobody gave me any good reasons except that one won't know unless they try it and it costs nothing to have it put upside down - people do so because it is a symbolism. I then ventured to the idea of turning the word gold 金, money 钱 or even health 康 the same way, but was told that people don't do so because it's not a tradition.

Tradition.

I often wonder who sets these traditions as acceptable or not anyway? Why would a reversely suspended word gold not mean the same as suspended word fortune? Why won't it be intepreted as 'downturn of fortune' instead of pouring fortune?

Well, to quote Mom, it's fine to believe in the influence of the stars and cosmos in our lives, as long as it doesn't blind you from what is true. What is true, you might ask? It can mean many things, from one's principle, to science to religion. It's ok to suspend the word fortune upside down but it's wrong to think that will be the key to success or lack of.

Whatever it is, I'll still enjoy watching people blasting fireworks of multicolours up in the sky on the midnight of new year's eve or buy pork jerky to munch on, but they will be nothing else to me but things for celebration instead the celebration itself.

Happy Year of the Tiger 2010.

Have we forgotten?

This entry was originally much longer than this because of the many things in my mind regarding the current event that is happening right now in the country, but I decided to just make a few quotes from a movie, a holy book and a treatise, to illustrate what I think about the whole issue.

"I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. I've seen too much religion in the eyes of murderers. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What God desires is (here points to head - the mind) and here (points to heart - soul) and what you decide to do every day will make you a good man...or not".

Hospitaller Knight, commenting on the movie hero's Balian's statement that he lost his religion and found no respite.

"None of us know our end really, or what hand will guide us there. A King may move a man, a father may claim a son. That man can also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game. Remember that howsoever you are played, or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone. Even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power. When you stand before God, you cannot say 'but I was told by others to do thus' or that 'virtue was not convenient at the time.' This will not suffice. Remember that".

King Baldwin IV, during his first meeting with Balian at the palace of Jerusalem.

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?". "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these." "Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices." Now when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, He said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” But after that no one dared question Him.

Mark 12:28-34, New King James Bible

"And do not dispute with the followers of the Book except by what is best, except those of them who act unjustly, and say: We believe in that which has been revealed to us and revealed to you, and our God and your God is One, and to Him do we submit".

al-Quran 29:46 - translation by Muhammad Habib Shakir

"In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Beneficent. This is what the slave of Allah, Umar b.Al-Khattab, the Amir of the believers, has offered the people of Illyaa’ of security granting them Amaan (protection) for their selves, their money, their churches, their children, their lowly and their innocent, and the remainder of their people. Their churches are not to be taken, nor are they to be destroyed, nor are they to be degraded or belittled, neither are their crosses or their money, and they are not to be forced to change their religion, nor is any one of them to be harmed. No Jews are to live with them in Illyaa’ and it is required of the people of Illyaa’ to pay the Jizya, like the people of the cities. It is also required of them to remove the Romans from the land; and whoever amongst the people of Illyaa’ that wishes to depart with their selves and their money with the Romans, leaving their business and crosses behind, then their selves, their trading goods and their children are secure until they reach their destination. Upon what is in this book is the word of Allah, the covenant of His Messenger, of the Khulafaa’ and of the believers if they (the people of Illyaa’) gave what was required of them of Jizya. The witnesses upon this were Khalid ibn Al-Walid, 'Amr ibn al-'As, Abdur Rahman bin Awf and Muawiyah ibn Abi Sufyan. Written and passed on the 15th year (after Hijrah)".

Al-'Uhda Al-'Umariyya, 'Convenant of Caliph Umar al-Khattab I'